A scribe approached Him and said, “Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go!”
Jesus told him, “Foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head.”

Matthew 8

This used to be threatening to me, but now I find it comforting.

I’m starting to realize that the feeling of being genuinely, one hundred percent wanted and valued within my communities is perhaps not one that I will have the blessing of experiencing in this lifetime. It is my own, and not necessarily due to those around me – I have my very own, personal unwanted which follows me around and haunts me while running through my neighborhood, during social gatherings, at any lull in conversation.

Being useful is a comfort because I can sing, or paint someone a painting, or get things done quickly at work. I can clean the kitchen. I can make you a cup of tea. I can help you figure out which college to go to and buy you coffee at the library when you’re having a bad day and give you boy advice.

But I can’t promise that I’ll be anything more than useful. I can’t connect with everybody I meet, and I can’t bond with middle schoolers, and I can’t make boys laugh. I’m hard to get to know in some places and simply confusing in others.

Even if it’s only within my own mind, I always fall just short of fitting in.

Maybe that’s alright though. Maybe that’s putting me in a posture of constant dependence on Jesus.

We cannot follow him when we are more satisfied in other things besides him. The ones who are satisfied in the world cannot follow God because following him means forsaking all else. If something is consistently making you happy and loved, then why would you leave it to follow something else?

But another thing I’ve noticed is that the more we suffer, the more saving the Gospel becomes. The more the world disappoints us, the more clearly can we see Jesus’ perfection and his unwavering Love that does not tire, get bored, or move on to someone who’s a better conversationalist than you.

The suffering does not come after the Gospel – it comes before it. The Gospel is only sweet to the suffering man. “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.”

If that isn’t redemptive motion, then I don’t know what is.

If the world cannot give me more than loneliness but Jesus uses it to lead me back to Him, I will take it gladly.

-e

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2 thoughts on “

  1. I’m sure I complimented your writing before but I truly cannot get over how you can write so eloquently about your faith. For me, it’s so hard to do because I feel like a broken machine ‘He saves. I am saved. God bless.’ Yet you manage to capture the day-to-day essence of Christ that we oftentimes forget. In short, you will never cease to amaze me.

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