I love to write. I really do. I want to write forever and ever until I die. People tell me I can write well, and I have a lovely functioning brain that has a never-ending stream of consciousness that I can pick ideas from.
But, as I sit at my computer with seven different writing assignments around me, and no inspiration for any of them, all I want to do is delete them all, un-subscribe myself from all my writing classes, and run away to Siberia, where I will not understand the language and nobody will expect me to write things.
(I mean, think about that for a second. Going someplace you don’t understand the language is at once a paradise and a crisis for writers. Oh, the potential!)
But anyways. For those who don’t understand how pain-in-the-neck-esque writing really can be, I am here today to inform you.
Some days, writing feels great, and you feel like a Real Writer, and maybe you even cheer at your computer like this:
“Hooray! My prose is AWESOME!”
Other days (like today, for me), writing feels more like this:
“Why, computer? Why aren’t you inspiring me? Help me out here, man.”
So here I am with twenty reasons why writing, while wonderful and full of blessings, is an honest-to-goodness PAIN. If you can relate with over half of these, you may be abused by writing.
1. It demands your attention all the time, and causes bouts of extreme guilt when you’re avoiding it.
2. It starts showing up everywhere, even to the point where you’re procrastinating on your writing with other writing. (heh…)
3. The little blinking cursor in Microsoft Word mocks you. “LO-ser. LO-ser. LO-ser.”
4. All of your writing is crap until about 11:27 PM.
5. Also, you get wagonloads of writing inspiration on nights when you have to wake up at 5:30 the next morning.
6. And you always forget your ideas the next morning. Without fail.
7. You get overly attached to your first drafts, even when they’re full of plot holes and boring descriptions.
8. Neglecting its deadlines results in terrible outcomes, such as mountainous amounts of words you have to write BY TOMORROW.
9. The thought of writing inspires you to go great lengths to avoid it, possibly even to the point of cleaning your house.
10. While fully aware that You Have a Deadline and You Need to Get Your Ideas on the Stupid Paper, inspiration decides to go on vacation.
11. You start saying things like, “I’m the worst writer ever,” and “I’m never writing again,” but find yourself still slaving away at it the next day.
12. You used to be jealous of writers, but now you’re jealous of people who feel indifferent about writing. Although you still look down on them a little. Because, come on, writing is important.
13. You consider warm beverages to be your life source whilst at the computer.
14. You can’t read fiction anymore without hyperanalyzing the author’s flow, character development, and plot. You may even take notes on these things while reading.
15. You complain about writing on your social networks to avoid writing.
16. You tell people to tear apart your first draft and feed it to the wolves and critique it as harshly as possible, but you still take it a tiny bit personally when people do what you’ve asked.
17. Your expert writing-procrastination skills start seeping into your other writing assignments, like for English class.
18. The grass is always greener on the other side. Which sucks more, drafting or editing? The world may never know.
19. No matter how good of a writer you or other people think you are, you will have days when your writing is worse than a second-grader’s poetry.
20. And, despite all the hindrances writing holds, you still want to dedicate your whole life to it.