These are my souvenirs.

Have any of you heard this song before?

If you’re planning on just scrolling and reading my post instead of listening to the song, don’t do that. Listen to it. This entire blog post is about it. (;

So anyway. Yeah. That song has been emotionally impacting me for a few weeks now, and I’ve been listening to it over and over. And that’s a little weird for me, because I am not typically an emotional person when it comes to books/movies/music/things like that. (I will be emotional about pretty much everything else, though. Trust me.) 

And I am especially not impacted by this type of theme, either. The “here’s to the crazy nights” #yolo-y kinds of things. I find them dumb, quite honestly. ESPECIALLY THOSE QUOTES FROM PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER. GOOD GRIEF. SOOOOO OVERUSED. 

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Yeah, yeah, Stephen Chbosky defined your life in that sentence. Yay. Another word for that is hormones and every other teenager on the earth has them too. Move on with your life. 

But anyways. I didn’t come here to bash Perks, or people who like the quotes that come out of it. (For the record, I did really like that book. I don’t like how people use it as a tool to celebrate teen angst, however.) I am talking about the teenagery theme that stems from it and also stems from lots of other things – John Green books, various films, Tumblr, and that Switchfoot song. Here’s to us. Here’s to the times we’ve had. Here’s here’s here’s to life and what we’ve experienced so far and what we will experience. Cheers.

I never got that concept, and I did sometimes wonder in the back of my mind if the people who conjured those themes were people I may never understand, like, say, stoners or Boy Scouts. But I am now coming to realize that the people who conjured these themes may have been people who were going off to college.

That’s why this theme has been hitting me lately, I think.

I have never truly given much thought to saying goodbye, or starting over in an entirely new place and adjusting to that. (Even though I’m an Air Force brat. I dunno either.) Usually, when I think about college, I think wistfully about how badly I want to go to William & Mary, and I think about decorating a dorm with Phebe there, and I think about having the time of my life there. Which I’m sure would be the case, but when I’m imagining it, I think of being completely assimilated with brand-new friends and a great new small group and exciting classes and knowing everyone and being really happy. (Yes, extraverts have fantasy daydreams of being surrounded by friends. It’s a thing.) 

But that’s not how it will be at first. Being new and homesick and lonely comes first, and before then goodbyes come first. Yes, I have often thought about writing a mother of a blog post with little letters to everyone who’s impacted me over the years (probably gonna happen) but I haven’t thought about actually saying goodbye. Or see you later, because I’m not dying, but still.

I tend to look to the future in a rainbows-and-butterflies kind of way, so whenever I imagined going off to college I imagined blasting this song and being so excited to arrive. And, because of that mindset, I’ve been wishing for everything to come faster. Acceptance letters. College decisions. That one last summer in which everything that could happen will happen.

But, thanks to this Here’s To Us business, I’ve stopped to think about it. And yes. Here’s to how high school has been, because I’m really going to miss a lot of my current life. 

I’m going to miss my church family,

youth group,

worship band,

the sunrise commute to NOVA,

OYAN and its lovely forum,

impromptu massage trains,

Anna and I’s amazing procrastination efforts and weird sense of humor,

Northern Virginia Players,

my life group,

movie nights,

Katie’s laugh,

my pretty (and bigger than a dorm) bedroom,

post-church Chipotle,

adventures to Burke Lake Park or South Run,

epic impromptu jamseshes with Gabe at every party we’ve both attended ever,

hide-and-seek in various houses/neighborhoods,

maybe even the crazy traffic. 

Well. Maybe not the last one. But it does feel like home, almost.

I’m going to college in seven months, and I have lots of souvenirs, but I still have time to make more and I don’t want to wish those months away.

So I know now that I might be listening to Souvenirs on my way to college and bawling my eyes out the whole way, and that’s okay. But I don’t want to go there regretting my hurriedness, so now I won’t be hurrying.

Here’s to this, and here’s to you if you’re also going far away to college because we can journey these last few months together.

Cheers.

-e

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2 thoughts on “These are my souvenirs.

  1. Love the song and hope you blast it with plenty of gusto on your trip into college XD here’s to God’s plan for your life and a lot of very very good ‘Souvenirs” to come :] ~aravel :]

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